What's The Meaning Of Life?
13th October 1990
WHAT WAS THE LAST VIDEO YOU HIRED?
'Fright Night' I and II.
WHICH CHARACTER FROM A FILM WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO BE?
Crazy Man or Freddy Krueger. No no . . . Alex from 'Clockwork Orange'.
WHAT WAS THE BEST RECORD YOU EVER NICKED FROM A PARTY?
I've never nicked owt, but I have had somethin' nicked from my party; 'One Nation Under A Groove', I think, by Funkadelic.
WHICH RECORD MAKES YOU CRY?
'Sometimes It Snows In April' - Prince.
WHICH POP STAR WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO LEAVE IN MOSS SIDE FOR THE NIGHT WITHOUT A MAP?
Erm, there's got to be a couple I'd like to leave: Jason Donovan . . . no, everyone gets on his back; I know, JC 001 and Silver Bullet. They're both right dicks, they think they're dead tough.
IF YOU COULD MAKE A SURPRISE GUEST APPEARANCE ON ANY TV PROGRAMME WHAT WOULD IT BE?
'Wogan' - not much fuckin' chance ' though.
WHICH IS YOUR FAVOURITE NURSERY RHYME?
I didn't know any kids' ones, but I do know a Judge Dredd one which I think goes: "Country wise country girls, playing in the grass, one jumped over the garden fence so l popped one in her as . . . k me no questions". Ha ha ha, I've forgotten the rest. Me mum used to sing it to me.
WHAT WAS THE BEST DREAM YOU EVER HAD?
I took on a tyrannosaurus rex once with a bar of soap because it came at me through the floorboards. All I could find in the room was this doctor's bag with a bar of soap in it, so I just rubbed it in its eyes till it went away. I was trying to save me mum and dad.
WHAT WOULD BE AN IDEAL HOLIDAY?
Mauritius, chasing young native girlies up and down the beaches. I'd be wearing grass skirts and shit like that.
HOW MAD IS MADCHESTER?
It's pretty radge! It's not flares and floppy hats and everyone piling down the Hacienda; more of a Realitychester than a Madchester.
WHICH IS YOUR FAVOURITE McDONALD'S MILKSHAKE FLAVOUR?
Oh I had this black cherry one once. I think it was in a Wimpy, though, and was only a limited edition but it was fuckin dred. Usually it's vanilla, but that's a bit arse jammin'.
IS THERE LIFE ON MARS?
I don't know; I think we've all got to smoke some pot to believe it. I do think we're not alone in this universe.
WHAT TACTICS WOULD YOU ADVISE EVERTON TO EMPLOY TO AVOID RELEGATION?
I wouldn't know; which ones are they? I'd probably sneak some sleeping pills into the opponent's drinks. I'd be dead shady.
DO YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT?
I believe other people fall in love at first sight, but I never have so I wouldn't know.
HAVE YOU EVER FALLEN IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE FALLEN IN LOVE WITH?
At the time I didn't think so, but as I look back, yes.
WHAT DOES YOUR FRIDGE CONTAIN MOST OF?
Nish, klish, nowt, fuck all!
WHAT ARE YOU WEARING AT THE MOMENT?
T-shirt, baggy tracksuit bottoms and Filas - this is my casual gear. It's a bit too parky to take off my T-shirt.
WHO DO YOU MOST ADMIRE?
Me mum, she's the only one done me any favours.
WHICH IS YOUR FAVOURITE 'CARRY ON' FILM?
'Carry On Screaming', with all that Frankenstein and shit.
WHAT WAS YOUR NICKNAME AT SCHOOL?
Scarlet Pinky 'cause I was the only white kid with scars.
HOW MUCH WOULD YOU SPEND ON A FOUR PACK OF TOILET ROLL?
I never check the receipts. One of me mates staying at the moment has a bit of gutter snipe in the mornings, so he's always in the bog. I think he eats the stuff. When we run out I use the Manchester Evening News. I do like the pink stuff though.
WHAT WILL YOU WATCH ON THE TELLY TONIGHT?
What's on? [He glances at TV Guide.] Fuck that, I'll go and get a music video or do me weights. I might even chat up some girlies.
WHEN WERE YOU LAST HUNGOVER?
IS ELVIS STILL ALIVE?
The King lives ha ha ha. Elvis is God; he came down to have a look around the earth and then floated off eating porridge 'cause he was a fat bastard ha ha ha. Yeah, me mate will think this is sacrilegious.
WHAT'S THE MEANING OF LIFE?
I was just discussing that with me mates. I suppose it's just getting through the next day without being hurt or hurting anyone. Throughout your life, whenever trouble comes, you just get up and get on with it.